Tell the Truth, We’re Stronger Than You Think

There’s a story about a woman who found a snake frozen in the snow and, feeling sorry for the snake, she placed it in her bra for warmth.Well, when the snake thawed, it bit her. Shocked she said, “I gave you warmth when you were cold!?” to which the snake replied, “You knew I was snake in the beginning.”

While I start this post about being more truthful with a story about a snake, I’m in no way implying that everyone is a snake. I would, however, like you to see the snake in the story as a symbol of strength. When he was frozen, he was vulnerable, weak. He had taken more than a few blows from life and it looked like he was down for the count. However, given some time to recuperate, he returned to his original form…one of strength.

Many times we aren’t honest because we consider all that the other person has been through already and, we determine, they can’t handle the truth. But they can. They’ve handled all that life has handed them thus far and they will handle it long after you and I are gone. We bounce back.

Though not intentional, it’s easy to try to build a permanent foundation on a temporary situation. Yes, your friend maybe going through a tough time but, if it’s been placed on your heart to tell them that they are in that situation as a result of their own actions, say it and hope they’d do the same for you. It’s the dose of cold water in the face we all need at times. The setback is temporary, our strength is permanent.

Be.More.Honest.

Be.More.Honest.

 

Many years ago, one of my best friends said, “Well, either you’re going to deal with it or you’re not” in reference to a relationship she’d heard me complain about for years. She was as emotionless as you can imagine and I just about fell out of my chair.

For a few seconds, I thought. “Doesn’t she know how hard it is to go through a divorce?” “Doesn’t she understand how heartbroken I am?” “EVERYONE says that dealing with a divorce is like dealing with a death.”

Oh, I wanted to justify and excuse and complain some more. But I didn’t. Me and my bruised ego politely wrapped up that conversation and got off the phone. What I hadn’t taken into consideration is that she wasn’t dealing with something “like” death, she’d just buried her mom. So what kind of friend was I? And, while the wound felt fresh to me, because I kept picking at the scab, she’d probably heard five years of my griping and complaining.

In all honesty, it was pass time to show me a little tough love.

Had she said the same thing to me in the past, only nicer? Maybe. Sometimes honesty comes so watered down that you miss the point. Other times, however, it’s not gentle at all. Honesty can sound mean, like being a hater or no longer caring. There are times when relationships end as a result of honesty. Yet, I’d be willing to bet that many times, everyone’s better for it.

Think about it, if you’re on the phone or spending time with someone who you can’t be honest with, the relationship is primarily based on what has not been said. It’s not a real relationship. I’d think your time would be better spent creating new relationships or figuring out how best to start over on the current one. How long are you willing to trade in hours for a relationship that doesn’t truly represent you? How long do you keep pulling strings to keep someone in your life? Chances are, it hasn’t been a friendship in a long time.

For many years, I’ve frowned upon the thought of doctors that tell their patients that they have a terminal illness. I’m not sure who I’d rather the doctor dump the news on but the thought of hearing those words seemed like more than I could handle. So, for a long time, I’ve said that I wouldn’t want a doctor to tell me. In essence, I was saying I’m not strong enough. But, I am.

There’s power, choices and opportunity in knowing and telling the truth. If I choose to cry, scream, sulk, lick my wounds or not talk to you for a spell, I have that choice. So do you and those that you are honest with.

Today, I found myself thinking a lot about strength. Just because someone doesn’t seem strong, right now, doesn’t mean that they lack strength.

I’ve been in my own personal life class of how to tell the truth and how to hear the truth for a while now. I want to be a better giver and receiver in this area.

I know I will not get the tone, words and timing right every time but know that I will always try to be mindful of my deliverance. Even a thoughtful attempt is better than a boat load of unsaid.

Besides, when we get mad, it’s all coming out anyway and whether we blame it on alcohol, having a bad day or simply not being a real friend, one thing’s for sure, when it comes out, it’ll be the truth.

A Little Closer to Done

There’s nothing like the overwhelm that comes with unfinished tasks. A good idea somehow turns into a need to and, before you know it, the Shoulds are pointing their skinny little fingers at you. Like all great procrastinators, you run through your list - once or twice several times a day - trying not to forget anything. In no time, you’re drained to the point of going to bed early and sleeping late.

And, who came up with this Fall Back/Spring Forward stuff anyway? I need all of my hours. Especially, the ones that give me more sunlight at the end of the day. I don’t need another hour of sunlight in the morning when I’m trying to sleep. For me, Darkness + Anywhere near my bed = Sleep. Sorry, I’m just wired that way.

If you haven’t felt any of the overwhelm I’m speaking of, consider yourself blessed because it’s been my primary emotion this year.

Today, however, in the midst of yet another round of color coordinating and sorting by size all the balls I’m juggling between my ears, I had the urge to create a list. Well, it obviously wasn’t enough of an urge because I didn’t move on it. I did, however, sling it in with all the other balls. Did I mention I’m horrible at juggling?

Obviously, unhappy with my lack of commitment, the universe pulled out the big guns…Karen Sandoval and her post Thursday Things. Turns out, Karen has a few things to do as well. And, just in case I thought there were no bullets in the gun, Karen innocently responded to my comment (more procrastination) with a direct call to action “…Do it! Then link me!”

(Insert blank stare here)

She’s even started crossing things off her list…isn’t that grand?!

Welp, guess I’d better get to it.

  1. Freelance Project: Call web designer, again, to discuss blog format.
  2. Complete another chapter in my book, March 31st is fast approaching.
  3. Freelance Project: Write three blog posts.
  4. Complete another chapter in my book, March 31st is fast approaching.
  5. Freelance Project: Install screenwriting software for Monday’s meeting.
  6. Complete another chapter in my book, March 31st is fast approaching.
  7. Register for programming class.
  8. Complete another chapter in my book, March 31st is fast approaching.
  9. Write blog post. Thanks, Karen! :)
  10. Complete another chapter in my book, March 31st is fast approaching.
  11. Follow up on AdWords account status.
  12. Complete another chapter in my book, March 31st is fast approaching.
  13. Write newsletter for Monday 2/10…”Too Early For Procrastination” sounds like a good title.
  14. Complete another chapter in my book, March 31st is fast approaching.
  15. Read a few more chapters from APE: Author Publisher Entrepreneur.
  16. Complete another chapter in my book, March 31st is fast approaching
  17. Gather tax documents.
  18. Complete another chapter in my book, March 31st is fast approaching
  19. Journal about the two crazy dreams I had after devouring a Sonic’s All-American hotdog and washing it down with a green apple Sprite. Wondering if there’s more meaning to those dreams than don’t have a hotdog and Sprite before bed?
  20. Complete another chapter in my book, March 31st is fast approaching.
  21. Purchase ticket to BlogHer ’14 conference.
  22. Complete another chapter in my book, March 31st is fast approaching.
  23. Put desk-sized calendar on the wall or…the desk.
  24. Complete another chapter in my book, March 31st is fast approaching.
  25. Call him back.
  26. Complete another chapter in my book, March 31st is fast approaching.
  27. Wash the car and get an oil change.

I guess you can tell where most of my angst is coming from. For some reason, it seems committing to others is far easier than committing to myself. Like Karen, I also have some around the house chores but they aren’t bothering me like the ones above. Or, rather, the one above.

Writing the book is only one piece, there’s rewriting, editing, beta readers, ISBN numbers to order and a cover to design. The writing has to come first even thought the world keeps turning.

Today, I’ll write first and then I’ll knock out one of the other tasks. I don’t like feeling bad or watching time slip through my fingers. Time moves whether we choose to or not.

Thanks, Karen, for the huge part you, unknowingly, played in this process. Because of you, I know, I’m a little closer to done. If nothing else…I can better prioritize.

So. where are you on your list? Is what’s really important at the top of your list or did you give that spot to someone else?

My Prayer For You

New Years

As we countdown the last few hours of 2013, I am praying that you have…

A Prosperous Year – A year of more. A year of more knowledge, more peace, more patience, more love, more good health, more clarity, more commitment, more organization and more opportunities.

What about more money? Read more

Merry Christmas to All

Congrats!

Christmas greeting card with paper and candles

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